‘I did what I thought I'd never do’

7 women reveal how they dared to step outside their sexual boundaries

“Pushing sexual boundaries can create excitement that fuels other aspects of your life,” says Julie Holland, M.D., assistant professor of psychiatry at New York University School of Medicine in New York City.

One person’s “Gross!” may be your “Oh, yes!” What freaks you out in bed might be just a typical Saturday evening at your neighbor’s house. Something deeply romantic to your friend could make you roll your eyes.

Everyone’s line in the sexual sand is different, but a lot of us have a mental note filed away about a deed we’d never do: an act too embarrassing, degrading, uncomfortable or perhaps even taboo. But, as the saying goes, “Never say never.”

In fact, “pushing sexual boundaries can create excitement that fuels other aspects of your life,” says Julie Holland, M.D., assistant professor of psychiatry at New York University School of Medicine in New York City.
Seven women (names have been changed for privacy) reveal what led them to take erotic leaps they swore they wouldn’t. Learn why breaking your commandments can be a source of growth and cause for celebration.

‘I grew to love sex toys’
The steamy scene. Natalie, 38, learned about sex from whispering classmates and Judy Blume’s “Forever.” As a teen, she began babysitting for a conservative family in her neighborhood. “I snooped around one night and discovered a dildo in the bedside table. It totally grossed me out!” All grown up 15 years later, Natalie developed chronic repetitive stress injuries in her wrists on her job as a data processor. When she told friends that the painful strain meant no more orgasms, one gave her a sex toy, in part as a joke. “I was weirded out by the gift, but they say necessity is the mother of invention, so I began to use it a little.”

How it felt. “It produced a little heat, which was arousing, and I liked how the broad, flattened top felt stimulating all over,” Natalie says. “It felt so good that I quickly got over my anti-toy feelings.”

Is she normal? According to a Self.com poll, 33 percent of you use sex toys, whereas 24 percent don’t own any now but would be game to give mechanical playthings a go in the future.

Want to try it? Consider adding a small gadget such as a pocket rocket to your repertoire and invite your partner. Natalie hasn’t used her toy with her husband yet, but says that’s “the next step, even though I worry he’ll think I feel he’s inadequate.” Introducing a toy “might actually please your partner more than you think,” says Sharyn Wolf, a clinical social worker in New York City. “It may feel illicit, forbidden and exciting for him to see you so turned on.

As long as you make it clear that it’s not about anything he’s lacking, but rather about bringing more play and eroticism to the relationship, you could find it’s not only you who reaps benefits.”

‘I had a threesome’
The steamy scene. “A friend of mine from work, Lisa, and I had spent a sexually charged Saturday afternoon vibrator shopping,” says Melissa, 37. “We were at my house afterward, and I decided to call a mutual friend — actually, it was her ex, on whom I had a crush. He said he was at a party and we should come over.”
The women showed up and began drinking; the guy encouraged them to kiss. They did, as much for him as for each other. After the party, they agreed to go to his house. “By now, I was sober, and it was kind of weird,” Melissa recalls, “but I ran with it. We all fooled around, then fell asleep.” Melissa woke up around 6 a.m. and slipped out without waking the other two. “I wasn’t ashamed; I just figured we’d all joke about it and move on.” But shortly afterward, Lisa woke up, caught up to Melissa and drove her home. In the car, “she made it clear that ‘this did not happen’ and I should never bring it up again.”

How it felt. “I tried to talk to my friend about that night a few times, but she always shut me down. She repeatedly insisted that nothing had happened, as if I had completely imagined it,” Melissa says. “It permanently changed our friendship. Had I anticipated this kind of aftermath, I’d never have done it.”

Is she normal? Fourteen percent of Americans have had a threesome, and 21 percent have fantasized about having one, according to an ABC News survey.

Want to try it? “Threesomes almost never work out,” Wolf cautions. “One person always has a better time than the other two, and that leads to conflict.” Which is why, she says, it’s essential to talk things through, preferably before you’re in bed and without drinking, something Melissa and her friends failed to do. “Often, one person is trying to convince the others about how great it will be, but they should also talk about what could go wrong,” Wolf says. Melissa isn’t sure why she jumped into the experience so fast; she has learned to take more time making sexual decisions.


Source: www.msnbc.msn.com